Grateful and Overcome

I am so glad that we came to Thailand. I have learned so much (not just Thai) and have met such beautiful and talented people here. My final event will be a concert on August 15 playing with the Jazz Combo that I presented the improvisation workshop to and playing with a sextet that we have put together with some fantastic local musicians playing some traditional Northern Thai folk music in a jazz setting along with two of my compositions that the group has learned. It will be a very cool culmination of everything that I have done here this summer at Payap University.

During Kalya's and my stay here in Thailand I have been reading a book aloud to both of us. The book is called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (What I Learned While Editing My Life) by Donald Miller. This book has been such an appropriate book for us while we have been on this adventure traveling to Thailand and trying to discern what our future might hold. We just finished the book and I would like to share a quote with you:

"I don't wonder anymore what I'll tell God when I go to heaven, when we sit in the chairs under the tree, outside the city...I'll tell these things to God, and he'll laugh, I think, and he'll remind me of the parts I forgot, the parts that were his favorites. We'll sit and remember my story together, and then he'll stand and put his arms around me and say, 'Well done,' and that he liked my story. And my soul won't be thirsty anymore. (italics mine)

"Finally, he'll turn, and we'll walk toward the city, a city he will have spoken into existence, a city built in a place where once there'd been nothing."

As soon as I started reading the portion in italics I began to choke up. When I got to the part that said "And my soul won't be thirsty anymore" I began to weep for reasons that I am still trying to understand. I think that the thought of pleasing God and him listening to my story and reminding me of his favorite parts that I had forgotten, and that he was with me throughout my life actively involved in every aspect of my journey and that he was happy with what he saw and liked my story, and how that would mean everything and fulfill all of the longings of my heart. To be fully satisfied and never thirst again and to be fully united with my creator for the rest of eternity would bring such joy. I can't begin to tell you how the very thought of that and the huge desire and thirst that I have for that makes me all the more want to live a good story here on earth.

As our time winds down here in Thailand I have been feeling many things. Sometimes I am feeling like I am ready to go back home to Spokane. And I am. I miss my kids and grandkids. I miss Kalya's and my favorite places to go. I miss familiarity and comfort and being on my own turf. As the time approaches to go home I also realize that I will really miss Chiang Mai. Relationships are beginning to form and we are finding places here that we love and will miss seeing. I know that I have made an impact at Payap and the closer I get to coming back to Spokane the more I want to come back to Chiang Mai and join the faculty at Payap and work with these wonderful students here. I had lunch the other day with one of the students whose name is Jam and is also a Christian. He plays tenor sax and is a really gentle, respectful and caring person not to mention a wonderful musician. I asked if I could pray for the meal and he said yes. When I finished praying he said, "Ajarn Bryan I want to thank you so much for coming here to Payap. It has been so good to have you here". Jam is part of my story now and I am, in some small way, part of his.

There is much for us to consider and pray about. I feel many things and one of the strangest things is that I feel a contentment that no matter what happens it's okay and maybe that is where God will begin to reveal his plan. I think that contentment is like the writer's blank page that God needs in order to move us towards him so that he can write his story in us.

They want me!

Four weeks to go and our adventure may just be beginning. My mom always used to say that wanting something and having it are two different things . . . we'll see. I know that I will be going through a whole range of emotions as our future unfolds. I do know that Payap University wants me. They have been very pleased with the work that I have been doing this summer and they would really like me to be a part of the faculty.

I have really enjoyed working with the students. We had our first student recital and the Jazz combo from the Jazz Improvisation Workshop that I teach 3 times a week for 2 hours each session performed and it was a blast! The students are having a great time playing together and are really trying hard and playing well. On Saturday, August 7 I will have the last Recording Techniques workshop that I have been teaching for 2 hours every Saturday morning. The students will be doing their own mix of a song that we recorded in the studio. The private marimba lessons with the potential percussion students and private lessons with the instrumental students working on Jazz improv skills has really been a treat. Word got out to Prince Royal College (which really is more of an 8th through 12th grade) that I was here and they actually hired me two hours a week to work with their percussionists giving master classes. That has been great and has helped pay for my Thai tutoring 3 times a week with a little left over to pay for food. Believe it or not, I am actually beginning to read some Thai which is really exciting for me.

I'm tired. I have been working very hard for the school but it has also been very rewarding. I think that a lot of the tiredness is from concentrating so hard while trying to communicate. I find myself sometimes in mid sentence realizing that they really don't have any clue what I am saying and so I start over and try again.

The meeting with the President of Payap went very well. He made sure that we set a date for Kalya and Dean Chaipruck and myself to go to dinner with him before we leave. He seemed very positive in seeing the need for a Percussion Professor in the College of Music.

So . . . wanting and having . . . wanting and having. That is what we are praying about and what is very heavy on our hearts. The average salary for a Thai professor is about 24,000 baht per month. That translates to about $620. All of a sudden things are looking a little more expensive in Thailand. An average wage for a Falang (foriegn) professor is about 30,000 baht or $930 per month. A far cry from what I am used to making but then, again, this is Thailand. Suddenly all of the platitudes we so easily spew about giving up this and that before we really make a decision are really put to the test.

The good news is that I don't have to make any quick decisions yet. No offer has even been made. No application filled out. Just talk. All I can do is keep moving forward and seeing where this chapter goes. That reminds me of when I would check a book out from the library as a kid. This sounds crazy, but I would often read the last page first and then read the book to see how it arrived there. Life isn't like that, and yet, the story still unfolds and takes twists and turns and tests your hopes and dreams.

We miss home. We miss family and friends. As things wind down here we hope to clear our minds, pray and make wise decisions and not (as is my inclination) necessarily or unnecessarily take the easy way out.

Taking Shape

We are at a point now in our stay in Chiang Mai where things are slowly starting to take shape. Tomorrow (Thursday) Kalya and I are meeting with the Garden of Hope leaders at their children drop-in center to see what their ministry is about and what future possibilities there would be for some volunteer work. This was exciting news for us. I know that Kalya is really looking forward to begin checking into the possibilities. For a while it seemed like we wouldn't be able to have some of these meetings but it seems that persistence is a virtue and now the meetings will be taking place. Next Tuesday in the morning we will be meeting with leaders of New Life Center. Both of these ministries are working with children who are being rescued from child trafficking and in many cases trafficking in the sex trade. Kalya will be so good with these kids and we are very excited to see what the future might hold volunteering with one or more of these groups. Our stay is so short this summer that we can only really do fact finding and pray for the Lord's leading about where to volunteer if we should move here in the future. There is, understandably, an application process to go through to work with these groups of at least 3 months before you would begin working with the organization. We totally respect that for the safety and care of the children. So, while things were looking difficult to set up, all of a sudden the doors were opened to meet with the leadership of these groups. Praise God and pray for our ears to be open to His leading.

Also, next Tuesday in the afternoon, I have a scheduled meeting with the President of Payap University to discuss a possible future here in the College of Music. The teaching here has been going very well with very positive comments coming back from the students in the Jazz Improv workshops that I have been doing. The private teaching (percussion, and jazz improv) has been sort of hit and miss. One thing about Thai students is that they are not as punctual as you might expect at this level of education. That will take some getting used to for sure. Classes either start somewhat late or, as the case was today, I will show up to my office only to find out that there is a note on the door saying that so and so is unable to come for their lesson today. I know a lot of that has to do with my being a guest here and the students having to schedule time with me around their actual schedule. So . . . Mai pben rai (no worries).

I was speaking with the Dean of the College of Music the other night and discovered that the responsibilities of the faculty are divided into 4 categories: Student Life, Community Service, Staff Development (e.g.writing papers, giving recitals), and Teaching Classes. Yesterday I did some community service and went with Ajarn Wassunchai to play at the Hospital in the patients' waiting room. It was fun. He played piano and I brought a snare drum in and played some brushes on the drum with him. Next week his son will join us on Saxophone. Jam, his son, is a senior at Payap University in the College of Music and is very talented and a really great kid. It has been fun working with him. There is a core group of students in the Jazz Workshop that I am really beginning to warm up to and starting to build some relationships. The building of those relationships takes time, especially with the language barrier, but it is so worth the time and effort to try to build up their confidence and let them know that we can have a lot of fun (sanook mak mak) being and playing music together.

Next week I will start some language tutoring 3 days a week for one hour each day. I am looking forward to that. I am doing much better but sometimes my brain just shuts down and things I thought I knew don't come back quickly enough. One of the best experiences with the language issue was last week when I went to lunch. All of the tables were full but there were two part time workers from the College of Music that recognized me and asked me to join them. They spoke about as much English (actually a little more) as I spoke Thai. But, you know what?, we communicated and it was a really great meal together.

As we enter our 5th week here, I know that we will have a lot to think about and I know that it will be hard to think about many of the choices that lay before us. At the same time, it's when we make choices that our story unfolds. We pray that our story will be honoring to God and His plan for our future.

Bryan

Finding Our Rhythm

We are still early in our stay here. I have only been teaching now for almost two weeks, but we are beginning to find some sort of rhythm to life here in Chiang Mai. In the picture to the left you can see my office. Do you see the work area in the corner with the bulletin board and three great desk top areas? Very ergonomic making the work flow more smoothly and effectively. That's not my spot. See the desk to the left with a couple of books, box of crackers and a back pack? That's mine. Actually I feel very blessed to have a space at all. Payap has been so gracious to me to give me a shared office space with my own key and, most importantly, air conditioning.

Here is a typical week, so far: I come in to school at 10:00 in the morning on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and I usually spend time preparing for the Jazz Improv workshop that I teach on those days from 3 to 5. I also have 5 private students, 3 on mallet keyboard and 2 graduate students wanting more intense time on jazz improvisation, that come in sometimes expected and sometimes unexpected. I am trying to have a very open policy with the students and be there for them when they ask for extra help. I have also had rehearsals the past two weeks on two to three nights a week for "the big concert" scheduled for tonight with the Chiang Mai Youth Concert Band. The Band consists of students in the high schools and colleges in the area as, sort of, a community band but also a group that requires an audition to participate in. They are quite good and are playing some very challenging music. It has been fun playing with the percussion section and coaching them and getting to know them. Two of them are students of mine at Payap. The theme of the concert is Dances From Around the World and each section is wearing a traditional dance costume from somewhere in the world. The Percussion section is wearing a dance costume from Burma and today (3 hours before the concert) I will discover what the section brought for me to wear tonight. I think I can't wait . . . or can I? On Saturday mornings at 10:00 to Noon I teach a recording techniques class in the school's recording studio. The studio is awesome and I am really enjoying my time so far working in it.

The schedule is working out great and I am still trying to get the language skills happening. I have been encouraged to just try speaking and not worry about the mistakes. Like a child learning a language, the understanding comes first and then the speaking skills start to follow. I'm noticing that. When I hear people talk, I can understand some of what they are saying even though I would have never thought up what they said on my own. It's funny, when I want to communicate, I can often think of one word that I could use but can't string a sentence together for the life of me. I will just keep plugging away and asking questions and repeating phrases. I think that a tutor is something that will happen soon.

Kalya is awesome. She has been so supportive of me and my weak language skills. I am so lucky to have her for a wife and friend. She is really making our humble studio apartment a nice home. If you look closely at the picture, you can see her making one of her many "deals of the century" buying orchids for our balcony at the Orchid Shop in the gardening center that we went to the other day.

She is starting to get in touch with some of the many organizations that deal with children and, specifically, child trafficking. She has gotten some phone numbers and is starting to make some contacts to get a feel for what the possibilities are.

We have been exploring Chiang Mai a lot more and I have only gotten lost twice, once alone and once with Kalya riding with me. Obviously I found my way back, or I wouldn't be writing this right now . . . now, if I could only remember how to get home from this great coffee shop that I am sitting in right now . . . haha.

Life is starting to settle in. The rhythm is beginning to happen. Kalya is making what we have for now an awesome home. I am already getting great feedback from the students and some of the staff about the teaching that I am doing at Payap. I am feeling both helpless and somewhat more confident with my Thai. My language skills are like Thai food, a great mixture of sweet and sour. We miss home, we miss our kids and grandkids and our friends, but we also know that we are beginning a story here and we are so excited to see how this chapter will read.

Blessings,

Bryan and Kalya

Scooting in Chiang Mai

Now, before you start thinking, "Oh, I hope Bryan is being very careful riding the scooter in Thailand. I am so worried that he will get hurt", rest assured that I have not forgotten my defensive driving from scooting on my Vespa in the states. The difference here is I am . . . FREEEEEEE! And, yes, I am carefully free but free none-the-less.

Scooting (and driving for the most part) in Thailand is way different than driving in the states. First, if you can fit, you can go. If you are headed to a stop light and you are on a motorcycle or scooter you are not only allowed to move to the front of the line, you are expected to. Weaving around the cars is a-okay. The main thing is to keep your wits about you and be very aware of your surroundings and once that happens you just go where you need to.

Parking is also very easy on the scooter. However, as you can see by the picture, the problem sometimes can be remembering where in the heck you parked your bike. I think I know now why so many people leave their helmet sitting on top of the side mirror. It's really nice to have some sort of marker on your ride so you can find it when it's time to go. Thailand is a very scooter friendly country. Parking is never an issue and you are way more free on the road than you are driving a car. I can't tell you how many times in the states I have wanted to cut to the front of the line, or pass the slow vehicle along the side or in that narrow space between them and the center line and have had to just suck it up and follow dutifully behind (I can see some of you cringing already). In Thailand it is never a problem. As soon as you see an opening you just go and no one gets mad or feels violated like they are entitled to stay in front of you and hold you up. Everything remains "Jai Yen" (a cool heart) and you move right along.

I always thought that since Thailand is so laid back (translated: sometimes hide your true feelings), that they tended to get their pent up aggression out on the road. I don't believe that anymore. I just think that they are getting from point A to point B and there is a certain understanding on the road amongst the drivers and therefore there are really no worries.

So, yes, I AM BEING CAREFUL, but I also am driving the way that I know at some time in your life you have always wanted to drive but our culture in the states just won't allow. If you really want to feel the real freedom of the road, come to Thailand, rent a scooter and . . . ENJOY THE RIDE!

Sawadee!
Bryan

My head is spinning...

I feel like I have definitely hit the ground running. Scheduling can be a real challenge working in Thailand. There are no "real" set times that you work and last minute requests are always being dropped into your lap to consider. After my first Jazz Improv class on Monday, two of the drummers came up to me to ask about lessons on mallet keyboard instruments (marimba, vibes, etc.). I think that they are scheduled on Mondays at 11:00 after I teach one of the professors some mallet lessons at 10:00. After today's improv class (Wednesday), two graduate students asked about some private improv lessons. I realized then that I needed to let them know when my hours would be and on what days I would be at the school. I think that I will work with them at 1:00 on Wednesdays.

Today the dean said, by the way, there is a teacher appreciation day on Thursday where the students pay tribute and honor the teachers. He also said that on Friday there would be a dinner with all of the freshman music students. That sounds interesting because it's a time where the teachers can have some good one on one with the students and answer questions that they might have. I was talking to some of the Ajarns (Professors) today about how refreshing it is to be respected so much by the students and how they really have good questions and listen so well and try so hard. A lot of the teachers here are telling me that for a certain time the students will be that way with a new Ajarn but when the "novelty" wears off there might be some real similarities to the states. Let's hope the "novelty" lasts for about 10 weeks.

The teachers in Thailand are very devoted and work very hard and very long hours. I found out that it is not unusual for a Thai Ajarn to make maybe 12,000 baht per month in salary. That's not much more than about $350 dollars per month. I don't know how they do it. But they do it very willingly. Many of the falang (foreign) Ajarns are here on missionary support from the US and they are able to survive much better here. It really gives me a lot to think about considering that Kalya is here with me, too, and I want to be able to provide for her and be considerate of her needs.

I do love the students. They are so kind, respectful and soft spoken. That is the Thai culture and I really respect that.

Friday, I am told, is when I will meet the president of Payap University to "put a bug" in his ear about maybe adding me to the faculty at some point. We will all have a lot to think about given all that I have discovered today. I want to follow the Lord's leading and I want to hear from the Lord about His leading and do what honors Him and takes care of my wife and me. It's so different entering into this journey at this stage of my life and wanting to be sure that I am doing the right thing. I am taking it one day at a time and trying to find that moment in each day where I make a connection with someone here at Payap where something really clicks and helps. I have been experiencing that and I am very grateful.

Blessings,

Bryan

Our first full day in Chiang Mai

Here we are, still settling in in Chiang Mai. We arrived yesterday and got our cell phones situated and picked up Chuck Sahagian's scooter to borrow while he is still in the US visiting family. Our room is nice and we are still trying to get the lay of the land where we are staying. I am still trying to figure out a schedule at Payap and then get into the rhythm of teaching at the school. It's funny, in the states jobs are pretty clear for the most part without a lot of gray area as to what your responsibilities are. I am finding in Thailand that there are a lot of "maybes" and "that would be nice". It seems like more has to go into questioning and finding out what the needs are and how I can be used. I'm sure most of that has to do with the language barrier and I think that that is what concerns me the most. I want so badly to be able to communicate in Thai beyond "Hi, how are you. My name is Bryan, what is your name?" or, "I'm hungry. That tastes very good. Thank you." I am so unbelievably limited and it is very frustrating. How could I have let 34 years of marriage to Kalya slip by without REALLY learning Thai. I feel so dumb.

I visited the University today and we will be going to a faculty dinner tonight. When I arrived at the music building I saw one of the teachers that I met 2 years ago and reintroduced myself in Thai. I was on a roll and feeling good about what I was remembering until he started to respond in rapid fire leaving me in the dust. I asked him, in Thai, to speak slowly and then finally said, in Thai, that I didn't understand a word he was saying. He was kind enough to speak in English, then, but I just felt pretty defeated.

After that I met the Jazz/Recording prof. I know that I will be doing some Jazz improv workshops and working with some of the Jazz combos. I might also be doing some work with the recording studio teaching some recording techniques. Thank God they are an Apple Macintosh school. The person that teaches the Jazz program and Recording classes is very nice and is a Christian. We had a great time talking today and I know that things will get clearer in the next couple of days. It sounds like "maybe" he will be with me in the workshops to help with the language. Pray for me to communicate and pray for us to get settled in so that Kalya can start to look into some ministry opportunities here. God is good and I am just trusting Him to help with the language and try not to get so anxious. I have to keep remembering that it's only the first day and that things will get better with each new day.

It's strange . . . I know that we will only be gone for two and a half months but I have been feeling a weird sense of raw emotion. Family comes to mind immediately and I get a sense of emptiness knowing how much I will miss everyone.

Two words came to mind today as I was thinking about leaving on this "test" trip for the summer: anticipation and uncertainty. Anticipating what is in store for us as I try to "fit in" at Payap University in a role that I am somewhat unsure of (at least for this trip). Which leads to the uncertainty of how this will all play out and what is in store after the next school year here in Spokane. Kalya's anticipation of what ministry to be involved in, whether it's child trafficking or one of the many orphanages and the uncertainty of what her role will be there.

The more I thought about Anticipation and Uncertainty the more I realized how those words are such good descriptions (from a human perspective) of faith and hope. We hope in what we don't see so that we will wait for it with perseverance. It's funny that the things that seem uncertain to us and look to be very "risky" are not that way at all. That's why we can have a hope and exercise faith because God is trustworthy and will take care of us.

So, while it's hard to leave, I am anticipating exciting things of which, in my own mind, are uncertain but held in God's hands. Please pray for us (me expecially) to exercise "Jai Yen" (a cool, calm heart) in Thailand and listen and discern what our steps should be as we live in Thailand this summer.
- Bryan -

Time to leave is coming fast!

It's hard to believe that Kalya and I will be leaving for Thailand in less than two and a half weeks. A lot has been happening in Thailand in the recent months and we hope and pray that Thailand will find peace and resolution to some of the deep issues that they face. We are so excited to go on this next step in our journey. To be in Thailand not as a tourist but as a resident at least for the summer. 30 years is a long time to have a dream and we are both excited to begin living the dream this summer as we live, work and find a ministry to connect to in Chiang Mai. God is good and He is faithful and we are grateful to Him to have this opportunity. Please stay tuned as we share our journey this summer in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Peace,
Bryan and Kalya